Actual (But Still Lazy) Peaches and Cream Oatmeal

I am literally doing this right now.

Canned peaches might count as cheating, but who cares! There are actual peaches, there is actual cream, and I used old-fashioned dried oats instead of quick oats.

Mark Bittman once said that dry, old-fashioned oats become edible after soaking in liquid for ten minutes. I've done that a few times and have found it to be true, at least according to my own digestive system, which is totally fine with the practice. 

This time, I used boiling water and it worked really well. So take THAT, corn syrup lower fiber instant stuff! You aren't the only option anymore for people who want oatmeal but don't want to clean up afterward. (Apart from the dirty bowl and spoon, and apart from putting the ingredients away again. But other than that!)

Chicken salad made with freakin' love

MY APP MADE THE TEXT TINY!!! AARGH!!!

Because my partner is not vegetarian, I woke up before 6am and made a truly badass chicken salad to fill sandwiches with, to send to work with him. (He's in the home stretch for Never Alone, which is a video game that my husband works on.)

My sandwich goal was to create something suitably complex and creamy without using mustard, Johnny's seasoning salt, Penzeys Ozark seasoning mix, Old Bay, or Worcestershire sauce, because I use those pretty much every time. Instead, I chopped some celery seeds and cumin seeds, sprinkled in some lemon olive oil, used diced pickles, horseradish powder, powdered paprika (which rhymes with Caprica)...I put a lot of seasoning stuff in the mayonnaise base and it's really freakin' good. Made with freakin' love, is what's what.

Tillamook smoked white cheddar slices are included, for use as a sandwich topping OR as a side dish. Some little, diced cubes of that cheese are stirred into the chicken salad, too. Not enough to taste overtly, but enough to just make the flavor a little more interesting. When tasting the chicken salad once I was done, each sample tasted slightly different than the sample before it, so I'm confident that every bite of the sandwich that it will become will be unique, and that each bite will compliment, rather than simply mimic, the bites prior to the bite taken. It will tell a story. A story of "oh, hey, that's in there, too!"

Onion Eyes...I look at you and I can't disguise...

I got...onion eyes. I feel the "magic" between you:

And I:

I got...onion eyes. 

I got...okay, I think that's all the Eric Carmen parody I have in me right now. I'm making soup and my eyes burn like a bitch, and instead of prepping the potatoes and squash I ran to the bathroom where there's good lighting, to stand in front of the curtain and take a selfie. For fuck's sake. Some kinda practical. Sheesh. That's what my eyes look like right now. I guess the onion was a little old?

I actually did it! Chicken-style, tofu-salad sandwiches.

I did it! I finally froze a box of shelf-stable tofu, and then thawed it again before cooking with it. After it was thawed, I put it into a baking dish, just chopping it into slightly smaller blocks of tofu, so the whole pan was filled up. Then, I roasted it with a little canola oil and some Penzeys Ozark Seasoning at 375F for 30mins.

I roasted some chicken in a different pan for my spouse.

Once the timer went beep, I took everything out. The tofu had the same consistency as that rubbery stuff that chicken juice cooks into. A lot meatier than it gets when cooked that way without the freeze/thaw pre-treatment. Flavor's about the same, but it's tofu. It's supposed to taste like tofu.

Now, one of the comfort foods my mom makes is breaded and fried tofu slices, served in sandwiches with tomato slices, mayo, and worstechire sauce. I've told you about that before, haven't I?

Anyway.

I was planning to do something proper with this tofu, like, I don't know what. Serve it in the cup of an athletics trophy or something. But instead, before rational thinking could talk me out of it, I mixed it up with mayonnaise and Old Bay seasoning, and used it like a sandwich spread. Slathered (yes, fucking "slathered," shut up, my food words are still timely and relevant and topical) (huhhuh, it's a topping) the sandwich spread on some Dave's Killer Bread, put a couple slices of dill pickle in there, and ate it. And then I made another sandwich like that, and I ate it. I'm on my third consecutive sandwich, and I'm starting to slow down a little. But that's to be expected. I have a head cold, and my physical stamina is lacking.

Anyway. I can't say for sure whether I'll still like this style of sandwich once I get my sense of smell back, but in the meanwhile, here are some photos of the stuff I'm eating right now:

IF YOU BELIEVE IT CAN, THIS CAN LOOK LIKE A PHOTO OF CHICKEN SALAD

This bread is fucking awesome. It's sweet but doesn't kill the taste of savory foods, and the texture is chewy without being dense. I should have been buying this stuff all along!

HERE IS MY SANDWICH! I AM HOLDING OPEN THE SANDWICH FOR THE CAMERA! IT IS A BEAUTUFUL SANDWICH!

Not Pictured: PROPER donuts

Waffle donuts! What could go wrong?

Waffle donuts IS what went wrong. They were all mealy and not crunchy and while they were at least 12 hours old when we are them, I can't help but infer that they were probably pretty gross when they were fresh, too.

We got them from the Safeway grocery store on Roosevelt, in Seattle, just south of Lake City Way.

We also picked up store brand French bread, and true to their style, it was like eating whatever the fuck angels eat when they celebrate. It was like eating the limbs of lesser angels, who lost their lives in combat? I'm...no...wait...pretend I didn't say that. It was fucking awful.

And so were the donuts.

Less awful, but still.

Not Pictured: Donuts

I forgot that I'm someone who takes pictures of food until waaaay too late to actually show you these donuts. Here is the box:

It's blurry, but that's how it goes. I was busy helping some friends move.

I HIGHLY recommend going to the Donut Factory in Lynnwood, WA. The "Crobar"--their take on cronuts--is exactly what a donut croissant sounded like, when I first heard about cronuts. It's also the first cronut I've ever eaten, so, so far, so good.

Minor Vegetarian Fail: "Meat" crumbles and refried beans

Okay, so this story isn't very exciting, and it isn't going to be very useful, because I forgot the name of the faux-meat crumbles that I was eating here. I bought them in a grocery store.

But whatever it was, the crumbles were okay, but the beans and cheese taste better without fake meat. Refried beans are delicious. They are amazing. You see that cilantro there? Because that's cilantro. Not pictured visibly is lime juice, but there's lime juice on there. 

The beans are, and I'm ashamed as I write this, but the beans are a little bit too good. That is because I have been rebelling against the nonfat vegetarian refried beans of my childhood, and I've been eating traditional refried beans. With lard, my mom says? Whatever they are, they're cheating. I am cheating when I eat them. But I haven't actually mowed on down, on land animal muscle tissue in a pretty long time, so there's that.

Bonus Points:

I have a portable candy station, to facilitate graduate school homework. Unfortunately, eating makes me sleepy, and I have so much reading and editing left to do!!! Woe is me.