What, real food?!? Attractively plated, real food?!?

I'll bet you didn't think that this Duchamp(ion) had it in her, did you? Actual, edible, proper food. Not inedible craft supplies, not candy, not even "cheese on top of whatever." But I got the stuff, cats. The stuffed cats. Wait, no. No cats were involved.

But I did a good job!

Tonight, I roasted chicken parts in olive oil, generously coated in Penzeys' Ozark seasoning.

I also boiled fresh kale and fresh beet greens in water seasoned with Old Bay seasoning, a little more of the Ozark seasoning, a bit of Johnny's Salt, some fresh salsa, some Cholula hot sauce, some vegetable oil, and some apple cider vinegar. Instead of browning mild Italian sausage on the bottom of the pan before adding the water, I tried to get a meaty, smoky effect in a vegetarian way, by using liquid smoke. The greens still came out nicely, but I should have used a bit less of the liquid smoke, because it overpowered some of the other seasonings. Live and learn, eh? Still, my greens were, as usual, a feather in my cap. A damp, green feather.

I also boiled whole, fresh beets until sweet and tender, to be peeled before eating at the diner's discretion.

And dessert? Dessert's easy. Like assembling a five-part children's puzzle.

Two wafer "cigars," three rounded, truffle-sized scoops of vanilla bean gelato separated from the rest of the dish by a small moat of slivered almonds. Across the almonds were chocolate chips to the right (a good kind with a short ingredient list), and frozen blueberries to the left. The left side of each dish, from the berries to the gelato, was drizzled with stripes of Torani caramel sauce. Whipped cream was also at the ready, to be applied as a condiment by each individual diner, as the dish is consumed.

But more than that, more than the quality, more than the range of temperatures and textures--berries colder than gelato, gelato colder than chocolate chips, chocolate chips colder than almonds, almonds colder than caramel, with a much more easily predicted "soft to crunchy" texture spectrum--more than the range of sweet to savory, even... was the plating.

I may be something of a sideshow geek when I'm showing off, but I'm still the daughter of a rowdy, retired chef, and even my plating can "bring it." At least, I, uh, I mean, that's not my BEST dessert plating EVER, and the photo's blurry and poorly lit, and the caramel didn't look like clean stripes when I took the picture, but, uh, uh, uh, it's still alright. And in PERSON, it looked awesome.

(I only paused to photograph dessert, but you can probably imagine what the rest of it looked like.)