As if often goes, if you're me, then you are quite nearly, quite possibly the cheapest person in the world, and yet you volunteered to provide alcoholic drinks and nonalcoholic snacks to a fabulous, queer-themed birthday party for a darling close friend.
I have a freezer full of otter pops year-round, and I found a 1.75 liter bottle of adequate vodka in a grocery store clearance shelf, going for $14.94. I also have soda water and a Magic Bullet blender.
Good Idea: Blend the otter pops and vodka together, and add soda water to taste after blending. It doesn't result in the margarita texture that I was aiming for, but if you put one otter pop in the blender with the vodka and blend them into sugarbooze, and crunch up another otter pop of the same flavor into a couple of chunks and put it in as ice, the result is wonderful once watered down sufficiently with maybe 5oz of club soda. If you want to ingest a lot of sugar with your vodka, this is one highly sugary way to do it, and I am very pleased with the results. The purple otter pops taste like grape soda.
Bad Idea: Putting the club soda into the blender. Oh man, that expanded FAST and got everywhere. It was funny, though.
I want to say that this cheapass cocktail recipe puts the pronounciation "gee!" as in "golly gee whiz, that's a good idea!" in "LGBTQ," but despite being both the B and the Q* in that acronym--making me TWO SWEET COLORS OF THE RAINBOW AT ONCE--I feel like that joke would make the "good taste joke police" track me down, put on some Margaret Cho or Louis CK or some of those Reggie Watts sketches from Comedy Bang Bang, or something else with better jokes than I have, and then shush me. As they (the joke police) should. As they really, really should. Those comedians are excellent, and at least 1/3 of them can do cool accents while also making cool non-speech sound-effects, which is pretty much a comedic end game, right there. I'm like, whoa. You win. We both win. Everybody wins.
*Here, the "Q" is implied to mean "queer" as in "catchall word for a gender rebel" or "genderqueer" or "Xena," rather than using "Q" to mean "questioning," or to mean "that space Q who kept messing with Captain Jean-Luc Picard." But "questioning"-labeled folks, as well as space Qs, are also welcome, of course.
Bonus: Never ever, ever, ever do this yourself, ever, ever...but a modest cocktail on one's day off can help numb the symptoms of de Quervain's Tenosynovitis long enough to endure disobeying one's occupational therapist's advice long enough to handwash a few dishes. Just don't do that to yourself. Just because it can be done, it doesn't meant that it should be done.
REMEMBER JURASSIC PARK!!!!! "Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should." But this scientist knows that you should not. Not ever, ever, ever. Not ever.
...Unless you need to test out a cocktail recipe anyway before debuting it at a friend's birthday party, right? In which case, you use that buzz to get some handwash-only dishes caught up before your partner comes home (except don't), because wahoo! Love is wonderful! (Occupational therapy is also wonderful. Tendon recovery is also wonderful. Be smart with your "gamer's thumb" injury, if/when you develop it.) But love is also wonderful.
DISCLAIMERS:
(Because I don't normally write about alcohol, and want to make sure that I do this right.)
- DRINK RESPONSIBLY
- DON'T DRIVE AFTER DRINKING
- OBEY THE LAW AND THE SAFETY RULES
- HERE IS A LINK TO PROVIDE YOU WITH COOL INFORMATION ABOUT ALCOHOL SCIENCE BECAUSE SCIENCE IS THE BEST: http://www.niaaa.nih.gov
I love you, National Institute of Health. I've loved you since I first met you, even though I sided with the rats when reading Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, because you gave those rats the capacity for electrical engineering and empirical research! But as an adult, I also love you for PubMed, which is maybe my all-time scientific research article database, and for all the science, and also for the science. You...you...you just keep being you, NIH. You make me proud. So proud of you.
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