Two Jambalayas and a Pepper Burn

I de-seeded a jalapeño pepper with my fingernails last night, and it is now morning, and I am in my 30s but I am sucking my thumb like a confused baby because there is STILL capsaicin under my nail and mashed into my fingerprint. Even though it's been 14 hours since the de-seeding. The tip of my tongue is unable to detect flavor anymore, and it's either stinging or numb, but I can't tell which. It's a very high-pitched (like sounds are high-pitched) sensation (like a terrible whistling?), and also like a blotch of bright white light with a neon red border around it, which means almost nothing to anyone but me, because even other people with synesthesia have different colors and shapes for stuff.

So...

Last night, I noticed that the tip of my left thumb and the tip of my left index finger both felt like they'd been burnt by steam, but no actual burn was visible. No blisters, not even that glossy, flat sheen that burnt skin gets. It was an invisible burn. A mystery burn. I suspected that it had been the peppers. But the burning only intensified when I ran my hands under running water, just like I feel when I have a temperature burn. So I concluded that if it didn't wash off with soap and water, it must be a temperature burn that I'd forgotten about. I steeled my will, and accepted that I would just need to wait it out.

But then, when I was finishing up my dinner, I started eating with my hands (as people do), and I realized that the "burn" was horribly spicy. So I started a marathon of trying to clean those fingertips cat-style, with saliva. I helped nurture my shocked tongue by nibbling ice cream. After a while, I fell asleep.

When I awoke and checked my hand, it was still burning, and it made my tongue feel weird, and GODDAMMIT, WILL IT NEVER STOP?!?!? IT STILL BURNS!!! 

While reduced to a tingle, it is still FUCKING THERE. For fuck's sake, what's up with that? The jalapeño peppers in American grocery stores are typically super-mild. This isn't my usual reaction to cooking with jalapeño peppers. My usual reaction is to forget that there's any capsaicin on my fingers, and to rub one or more of my eyes, and to then immediately run into the bathroom while squealing, to run my head under the tap with my eyes open. This pepper burned my fingers so much that I didn't forget about it. I only rubbed my eyes with clean tissue when I needed to rub them (which was a lot, because I'd also chopped onions), and I didn't get any capsaicin in them at all.

But in good news, I made two pots of jambalaya last night--one vegetarian and one with meat--and they both turned out delicious!

I don't believe that my Blogger app will facilitate adding hyperlinks, but whatever. Here's the address of the recipe that I used for the meat jambeliah, which is also what I adapted for the vegetarian jambalaya. You're clever. If you don't get a hyperlink to clock on...well...you can copy/paste the address into your browser's address bar. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1167651/chicken-and-chorizo-jambalaya

For the meat dish, just do what that link tells you to do. More or less. As it suits you.

I couldn't find "Cajun seasoning" in the local grocery store, so I bought some "Creole seasoning" instead, and hoped for the best. I used it more sparingly than what the recipe calls for, because it was pretty spicy, and the peppers were spicy, and the chorizo was spicy, and because it wasn't even the seasoning that the recipe calls for, so, like, whatever.

I also had no idea which red peppers to use for "red peppers," so I used one jalapeño pepper and 1/2 of an orange bell pepper for each pot of jambalaya. Why not, right?

For the vegetarian version, I mixed Worcestershire sauce, Old Bay seasoning, Johnny's Seasoning Salt, water, and about 3 1/2 tablespoons of melted butter for the broth, because fuck it, right? I'll eat that. It was mostly Worcestershire and butter.

I used a brick of tofu instead of chicken, which I chopped up with a spatula while cooking. Tofu pretty much just does what it's told, so I trust it to do its thing.

For the vegetarian alternative to chorizo, I cooked and roughly diced two MorningStar Farms vegetarian "original sausage patties." These are amazing.

I know that my taste in tastes is untrustworthy at best, but goddamn. I genuinely made human-style food this time, and I feel really smug about it. Like, it's genuinely GOOD. I appear to have made two versions of right and proper jambalaya. 

Okay, here's a photo of the meat jambalaya:

Poorly lit, inaccurate color, and the spoon looks gross in the photo, but just COPE WITH IT!!! This ain't your MOM'S food blog, unless you are one of my cats. In which case, yes, this kinda is your mom's food blog.

Here's a photo of the vegetarian jambalaya:

The phone's shadow is visible in both photos. It adds to the charm. So much charm!!!

But if you want to, you can pretend that the tofu in the picture is actually feta cheese, or tonsil stones!

I'm going to choose to see it as it really is, though, because tofu is a nice way to boost protein and mellow out some spice heat, without overpowering the flavors of the seasoning, and I like it.

And I like it.