I am genuinely trying to sort out the variables that I prioritize, when deciding what to eat. So far, the list is as follows:
1. Food must be comfortable to eat.
I'm not a fan of heartburn, unpleasant flavors, unpleasant temperatures, unpleasant textures, unpleasant associations, or of foods that are too spicy, too bland, too salty. (I assure you, "too salty" actually can happen, as hard as it might be to believe.) Food must be sufficiently delicious, or I fail to see the point.
I'm sure that you feel the same way.
2. Food must be within my budget.
This is intuitive. I can't eat what I can't obtain.
3. Food must either contain good nutrition, or be an act of defiance against societal rules.
Sometimes, having a breakfast of potato chips, candy, and beer is a completely necessary act of feminism. We can't let The Establishment win, man. Ma'am. Man. Ma'am. Man Man. Ma'am? Ma'am.
However, operating a human body is like operating any piece of complicated machinery. If they're not maintained well, they will not run well.
I will therefore feel run down, irritable, excessively hungry, and nonspecifically "off" if I get dehydrated and/or go for more than a few days without eating serious quantities of nutrient-relevant things. Raw or mildly cooked produce, served with little to no accompaniment is a big deal here, guys.
Eating too little is absolutely horrible. Don't be that guy. Talk to your doctor about it. If you can't afford food, contact your local food banks, poverty assistance programs, gleaners, and charities. Google "food stamps." The body might not need much fuel to run, but it still needs something.
Eating too much will put calories into bodily storage in a way that can slow down the metabolism, make one's joints hurt more, likely mess with hormone production, and prompt bullying from horrible dickweeds. While cultivating and maintaining obesity as a way to stick it to the man is totally fucking kickass, I can't hate people for needing a more comfortable body to ride around in. Everybody's got to sort this one out, individually. I'm more comfortable since I shrunk my way out of obesity, but I try not to be a dick about it or chalk my decision up to bully-related cowardice.
4. Food must be easy to prepare and easy to clean up after, with exceptions made for special occasions.
I have a job and I have a lot of video games, but I DON'T have a dishwasher or much patience.
I also have a metabolism that requires only about 60% of the calories that my husband's metabolism requires, AND I have a sweet tooth, so I tend to snack on candy.
So when cooking meals for myself, an easy, lazy minimalism suits me very well.
5. Food must be as ethically-created as budget will allow.
This one's pretty straightforward.
Anybody who's taken a college class in an animal-model research lab (at least in the US) is familiar with how strict regulations are when it comes to animal safety and health in an academic research setting. I WISH that food production regulations were so kind and so carefully controlled, but even grain harvest has something of an ugly, gory side to it.
Hell. Even the HUMANS involved in food production aren't guaranteed all of the positive rights that lab rats are granted, like the right to quality medical care whenever ill or injured, the right to temperature-controlled and safe housing, or guaranteed access to nutrient-rich, balanced meals.
And while I'm soapboxing, I also want to eat food that wastes as little fuel energy as possible in its production and distribution. Food created nearby takes less gasoline to get into my stomach, and that's a good thing. Food that wasn't processed in a factory, wasn't processed in a factory. We gotta go hippie if we want to lower our consumption of foreign oil, and even people who hate hearing about environmental pollution are probably not literally, if they're honest, actually in favor of polluting unnecessarily.
Still.
I am never, ever, ever, ever a perfectionist. Ever. Except for when I'm doing math. But when doing whatever else? Standards must be relaxed. Perfectionism can breed interpersonal cruelty, and I loathe that.
So while I firmly believe in the importance of voting with one's dollar for minimally processed (or unprocessed) local foods that take animal safety, workers' rights, and ecological concerns into account, my belief system is typically compromised by the actual contents of my wallet. But my husband's planning a vegetable garden in our yard, even though we live in a city, and I'm helping him work towards that goal. So THERE.
6. Food must be purchased in quantities small enough to consume before it expires.
Buying quickly-spoiled produce in bulk, when I'm too busy or lazy to process it for long-term storage via drying, canning, freezing, or whatever, is a terrible idea. It took me a while to unlearn this bad habit, but I'm alright now.
7. Food must be... um... did I already say that it should be comfortable to eat? Shit. That was item #1.
Still. As long as eggs and dairy hold their spell over me, I'll never go vegan. I can go "bumming eggs off of friends who own happy, healthy chickens," but that's as good as I'm getting. And I will fight you in the face if you try to make me give up whipped cream. I just feel better when I eat certain foods, and dairy products really do suit my body well.
8. Eight! Eight! I forget what eight is for.
I like that song.
9. Food should be fun.
I thought of another one! I wonder if I can actually make this a ten-item list?
Anyway.
Pretty much every "rule" on this list can be disregarded, when there's curiosity or playfulness to satisfy. Bam! Just like that. Cultural values.
10. Make your own food, whenever reasonably possible. Or be gracious about it when eating food made by other people.
Get yourself some knives. Get yourself some spoons. Get yourself some ingredients, and pans, and bowls, and supplies, just supplies.
Everybody should know how to cook, just like everybody should know basic first aid. So get to it!
And if somebody else cooked, help clean up, volunteer to make the next meal, tip well, or do whatever gratefully collaborative act is most appropriate for the occasion. Again, don't be a dick about it.
And that's it! I came up with a 10-item list!
To celebrate, I'm linking to the IMDB page for the Beastie Boys' music video for Sabotage..
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Pizza Dough: Feed a Family for, like, $0.25
This is one of my crucial go-to recipes. I make pizza dough and use as pretty much whatever flatbread whatever.
It's easy to do, it's filling, it costs almost $0 to make, the basic ingredients are all pretty shelf-stable pantry items, and it's damned tasty. It is therefore ABSOLUTELY the right thing to make tonight, after spending our whole grocery budget on beer 1 1/2 weeks ago.
Sure, it's not a particularly HEALTHY food. It will wreak an ugly and in no way uncertain havoc on anybody who has issues with wheat, gluten, or blood sugar stability. And I have no useful knowledge to share for people who want to adapt this recipe into something medically advisable. Except "make zucchini latkes or something."
But it's cheap. God help me, it's cheap. And it's very, very tasty.
Because my professors in school taught me to cite my sources, I feel obligated to mention that my recipe is adapted from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. Because most things I do can be traced back to that book in one way or another.
To do what I do, you will need:
A bowl big enough to mix the dough in.
Plastic wrap.
Probably a stirring-style spoon, like a wooden spoon or a plastic imitation of a wooden spoon. Makes things easier.
A "cup" sized measuring cup.
A teaspoon. (Measuring device.)
A tablespoon. (Measuring device.)
Some kinda thing to roll dough out with, like a rolling pin or a thoroughly cleaned and sterilized, chilled beer bottle.
A CLEAN surface to knead and roll out the dough on.
Access to clean water, at least 1 cup, plus more for hand washing.
3 cups white flour, minimum.
1 teaspoon of fast yeast.
2 teaspoons of salt.
2 tablespoons of olive oil, or whatever. (Olive oil is the only fat I've used in this dough so far.)
Additional fats, your choice, to make them greasy when cooking.
Additional stuff, your choice.
Start by locating your bowl. Place it on a counter, or another stable surface.
Put two cups of flour into the bowl, with the salt and yeast. Stir it, using the stirring spoon, or whatever else you are using in place of a spoon. Add one cup of water to the bowl of dry ingredients, and stir until everything's, like, sticky dough. Then, stir in the last cup of flour pretty slowly, and once kneading it by hand starts to seem easier than stirring, then clean your hands thoroughly and just dive in there.
It will become dough, real dough. If it's too sticky, add more flour. If it's too dry, add more flour. Whatever.
After it's sufficiently a wad of dough, cover the bowl--dough inside--and ignore it for 1-2 hours. I'll sometimes go a little over 2 hours, but it's important to keep an eye out. If it stays at room temperature for too long, it's going to get GROSS. And unfit for human consumption. (The cookbook says 1-2hrs room temp, or 6-8hrs in the fridge.)
Once the dough is bigger--"doubled in size?"--rip some chunks off of it, put those chunks, one at a time, on a sterile food prep surface that's powdery with flour, and roll 'em out flat. Once you've made as many flat dough things as you want, put 'em somewhere flat and ignore 'me for 20 minutes.
When the time's up, freeze them or cook them somehow:
LIKE: In the oven, on a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you hate making an effort when washing up), with oil and toppings on top and oil below. Cook at 500 F for somewhere like 4 to 12 minutes, checking often for burning.
LIKE: On a grill. However that works.
LIKE: In a freezer, wrapped up to prevent freezer burn. Thaw and cook before eating. (No idea if it should be thawed to room temperature before cooking or not. That one's on you to look up.)
And that's it!
Last night, I made two types, both in the oven.
One savory batch, with tomato slices, fresh rosemary bits, feta cheese, lumpy salt (some sea salt something), fresh-cracked pepper, and probably other stuff. I SHOULD have sautéed some garlic and sliced shallots and added them, but I was tired and did nothing that required the stove.
I also made a sweet batch with turbinado sugar, pumpkin pie spice mix, more of those largeish salt crystals, and cranberries disguised as blueberries.
The feta cheese toasted better than the cranberries did, but the tomatoes bested all other toppings and should have been used more liberally. But everything was tasty and worth the effort needed to make, and then eat.
Just do yourself a favor and eat it warm, fresh from the oven. It's GOOD the next day, but not great.
It's easy to do, it's filling, it costs almost $0 to make, the basic ingredients are all pretty shelf-stable pantry items, and it's damned tasty. It is therefore ABSOLUTELY the right thing to make tonight, after spending our whole grocery budget on beer 1 1/2 weeks ago.
Sure, it's not a particularly HEALTHY food. It will wreak an ugly and in no way uncertain havoc on anybody who has issues with wheat, gluten, or blood sugar stability. And I have no useful knowledge to share for people who want to adapt this recipe into something medically advisable. Except "make zucchini latkes or something."
But it's cheap. God help me, it's cheap. And it's very, very tasty.
Because my professors in school taught me to cite my sources, I feel obligated to mention that my recipe is adapted from Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. Because most things I do can be traced back to that book in one way or another.
To do what I do, you will need:
A bowl big enough to mix the dough in.
Plastic wrap.
Probably a stirring-style spoon, like a wooden spoon or a plastic imitation of a wooden spoon. Makes things easier.
A "cup" sized measuring cup.
A teaspoon. (Measuring device.)
A tablespoon. (Measuring device.)
Some kinda thing to roll dough out with, like a rolling pin or a thoroughly cleaned and sterilized, chilled beer bottle.
A CLEAN surface to knead and roll out the dough on.
Access to clean water, at least 1 cup, plus more for hand washing.
3 cups white flour, minimum.
1 teaspoon of fast yeast.
2 teaspoons of salt.
2 tablespoons of olive oil, or whatever. (Olive oil is the only fat I've used in this dough so far.)
Additional fats, your choice, to make them greasy when cooking.
Additional stuff, your choice.
Start by locating your bowl. Place it on a counter, or another stable surface.
Put two cups of flour into the bowl, with the salt and yeast. Stir it, using the stirring spoon, or whatever else you are using in place of a spoon. Add one cup of water to the bowl of dry ingredients, and stir until everything's, like, sticky dough. Then, stir in the last cup of flour pretty slowly, and once kneading it by hand starts to seem easier than stirring, then clean your hands thoroughly and just dive in there.
It will become dough, real dough. If it's too sticky, add more flour. If it's too dry, add more flour. Whatever.
After it's sufficiently a wad of dough, cover the bowl--dough inside--and ignore it for 1-2 hours. I'll sometimes go a little over 2 hours, but it's important to keep an eye out. If it stays at room temperature for too long, it's going to get GROSS. And unfit for human consumption. (The cookbook says 1-2hrs room temp, or 6-8hrs in the fridge.)
Once the dough is bigger--"doubled in size?"--rip some chunks off of it, put those chunks, one at a time, on a sterile food prep surface that's powdery with flour, and roll 'em out flat. Once you've made as many flat dough things as you want, put 'em somewhere flat and ignore 'me for 20 minutes.
When the time's up, freeze them or cook them somehow:
LIKE: In the oven, on a baking sheet (lined with parchment paper if you hate making an effort when washing up), with oil and toppings on top and oil below. Cook at 500 F for somewhere like 4 to 12 minutes, checking often for burning.
LIKE: On a grill. However that works.
LIKE: In a freezer, wrapped up to prevent freezer burn. Thaw and cook before eating. (No idea if it should be thawed to room temperature before cooking or not. That one's on you to look up.)
And that's it!
Last night, I made two types, both in the oven.
One savory batch, with tomato slices, fresh rosemary bits, feta cheese, lumpy salt (some sea salt something), fresh-cracked pepper, and probably other stuff. I SHOULD have sautéed some garlic and sliced shallots and added them, but I was tired and did nothing that required the stove.
I also made a sweet batch with turbinado sugar, pumpkin pie spice mix, more of those largeish salt crystals, and cranberries disguised as blueberries.
The feta cheese toasted better than the cranberries did, but the tomatoes bested all other toppings and should have been used more liberally. But everything was tasty and worth the effort needed to make, and then eat.
Just do yourself a favor and eat it warm, fresh from the oven. It's GOOD the next day, but not great.
Monday, July 22, 2013
No, seriously. Pork rinds.
So my sister was all, "Just trust me dude, pork rinds are like if potato chips were really puffy and made out of bacon."
And she was right.
Ingredients: fried pork rinds, salt.
They taste more like caramelized fat than they do like smoked meat--likely because they ARE caramelized pork fat?--so pork rinds most closely resemble the white stripes in bacon than they taste like the pink stripes.
The texture is kinda weird. Reminiscent of those packing peanuts that I ate a few months ago. But these pork rinds are salty, and I feel like I need salt today.
Plus the calorie content seeeeeeems lower than that of traditional chips, so I get to feel superior to... myself... during potato chip eating sessions. Eating 0.5 ounces of pork rinds (or about 2/15ths of a bag) carries only 80 calories. Eating the whole bag could be daunting because these things really, really taste like greasy, salted, caramelized pork fat. But the whole bag only contains about 600 calories, so it's still lighter fare than a lot of junk food is.
Pork rinds!
And she was right.
Ingredients: fried pork rinds, salt.
They taste more like caramelized fat than they do like smoked meat--likely because they ARE caramelized pork fat?--so pork rinds most closely resemble the white stripes in bacon than they taste like the pink stripes.
The texture is kinda weird. Reminiscent of those packing peanuts that I ate a few months ago. But these pork rinds are salty, and I feel like I need salt today.
Plus the calorie content seeeeeeems lower than that of traditional chips, so I get to feel superior to... myself... during potato chip eating sessions. Eating 0.5 ounces of pork rinds (or about 2/15ths of a bag) carries only 80 calories. Eating the whole bag could be daunting because these things really, really taste like greasy, salted, caramelized pork fat. But the whole bag only contains about 600 calories, so it's still lighter fare than a lot of junk food is.
Pork rinds!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Lime Oatmeal: The Saga of an Empty Kitchen
Right, so you already know from before that I ran out of bread this week, and instead of buying more bread, I made a frittata. Today, I continued to improvise with whatever I have on hand, and ended up making fresh lime oatmeal. And I'll tell you why.
If you're anything like me, then you ALSO blew pretty much the entire grocery budget on beer last Sunday. An understandable choice, given that it's July, and Seattle is a beer playground full of beers for evbeeryone.
And if you're like me, then you started to panic about malnutrition just a couple of days AFTER that. Especially once your husband brought the whole box of raisins to work with him, along with half of the raw oatmeal. Hey! raisins are fruit! And, while panicked about malnutrition, you decided that the only way to win at life was to eat the only fresh fruit left in the house--limes.
(Of course, if you're EXACTLY me, then you're revisiting the great existential angst known as "I could make the best Stockholm Syndrome joke, if I was a background character in Battlestar Galactica, except that there IS no Stockholm to name that disorder after." And it breaks my sketchy heart.)
Before work today, I cut a deep spiral into a clean, washed lime, and I squished that bastard over my oatmeal, hardcore. I put the remaining fruit spiral in my water glass and brought it to work with me, because I'M NOT GETTING SCURVY ON YOUR WATCH, YOU SMELLY BASTARDS!!!!!!!
Um.
The oatmeal itself I made using old-fashioned oats, by pouring water over them, letting them soak for 10 minutes, and then microwaving them for 2 minutes, for heat. I didn't make this part up, I swear. It's totally a thing to do.
Then I added the lime--so much lime, like big chunks of it--and some salt (hot damn, never let oatmeal go unsalted), some butter, and some milk, and a lot of honey.
While I'd braced myself for a horrible experience, it was actually refreshing, delicious, and even tasted seasonally appropriate.
Even though my first go of doing this was just a cynical act of being too lazy to get blueberries out of the freezer, yet too afraid of malnutrition to just season my oatmeal with a Snickers(TM) bar, I will probably do this a few more times this week. At least until we run out of limes, right?!?!? Then, it's beer-flavored oatmeal until payday.
Here's a photograph:
If you're anything like me, then you ALSO blew pretty much the entire grocery budget on beer last Sunday. An understandable choice, given that it's July, and Seattle is a beer playground full of beers for evbeeryone.
And if you're like me, then you started to panic about malnutrition just a couple of days AFTER that. Especially once your husband brought the whole box of raisins to work with him, along with half of the raw oatmeal. Hey! raisins are fruit! And, while panicked about malnutrition, you decided that the only way to win at life was to eat the only fresh fruit left in the house--limes.
(Of course, if you're EXACTLY me, then you're revisiting the great existential angst known as "I could make the best Stockholm Syndrome joke, if I was a background character in Battlestar Galactica, except that there IS no Stockholm to name that disorder after." And it breaks my sketchy heart.)
Before work today, I cut a deep spiral into a clean, washed lime, and I squished that bastard over my oatmeal, hardcore. I put the remaining fruit spiral in my water glass and brought it to work with me, because I'M NOT GETTING SCURVY ON YOUR WATCH, YOU SMELLY BASTARDS!!!!!!!
Um.
The oatmeal itself I made using old-fashioned oats, by pouring water over them, letting them soak for 10 minutes, and then microwaving them for 2 minutes, for heat. I didn't make this part up, I swear. It's totally a thing to do.
Then I added the lime--so much lime, like big chunks of it--and some salt (hot damn, never let oatmeal go unsalted), some butter, and some milk, and a lot of honey.
While I'd braced myself for a horrible experience, it was actually refreshing, delicious, and even tasted seasonally appropriate.
Even though my first go of doing this was just a cynical act of being too lazy to get blueberries out of the freezer, yet too afraid of malnutrition to just season my oatmeal with a Snickers(TM) bar, I will probably do this a few more times this week. At least until we run out of limes, right?!?!? Then, it's beer-flavored oatmeal until payday.
Here's a photograph:
Frittata? Frit-TA-DAH!!!
Who stayed up until almost 2 am making a frittata, to be easy-to-eat-on-the-go breakfast tomorrow?!? Because I ran out of bread and so couldn't just make pb&j?!?
ME!!!!!! ALL ME!!!!!!! ALL FOR ME!!!!!
(... All for me and my husband, I mean.)
As usual, I followed Mark Bittman's "How to Cook Everything.
I'll describe the recipe well enough, but I still want to encourage everybody to actually buy the book, and to buy other books. Buy this book too. You'll thank me later.
Anyway!
So, get an ovenproof skillet. If you know what's good for ya, you'll use a seasoned cast iron skillet. Then get that skillet warmed over medium heat, and brown a little butter in there. Beat some eggs up, and cheese. I added about 1/4 cup of sliced red onion (I used scallions, I did) fresh, chopped garden herbs, and about 3/4 cup of feta cheese to five eggs. Mix'em, put'em in the skillet, cook'em until the bottom's firm, then bake 'em in the 350F oven--WITHOUT FLIPPING IT--right still in the skillet.
Aww yeah.
Now, if you're me from the past, traveling to the future to read this blog before going back to your original time to make the frittata, please make no changes, because we cannot afford a paradox. However, if there IS some paradox work-around, then I can safely advise you/me to go a little easier on the fresh cracked pepper, and back off a little bit on the feta. The 1/2 cup the recipe called for was probably a little bit closer to what I/we should have done/will do/could/will/can/won't do, in the future. (The future.)
Still, the imperfections aren't bad, the frittata is fucking DELICIOUS, and my whole house smells like awesome food.
Photos:
ME!!!!!! ALL ME!!!!!!! ALL FOR ME!!!!!
(... All for me and my husband, I mean.)
As usual, I followed Mark Bittman's "How to Cook Everything.
I'll describe the recipe well enough, but I still want to encourage everybody to actually buy the book, and to buy other books. Buy this book too. You'll thank me later.
Anyway!
So, get an ovenproof skillet. If you know what's good for ya, you'll use a seasoned cast iron skillet. Then get that skillet warmed over medium heat, and brown a little butter in there. Beat some eggs up, and cheese. I added about 1/4 cup of sliced red onion (I used scallions, I did) fresh, chopped garden herbs, and about 3/4 cup of feta cheese to five eggs. Mix'em, put'em in the skillet, cook'em until the bottom's firm, then bake 'em in the 350F oven--WITHOUT FLIPPING IT--right still in the skillet.
Aww yeah.
Now, if you're me from the past, traveling to the future to read this blog before going back to your original time to make the frittata, please make no changes, because we cannot afford a paradox. However, if there IS some paradox work-around, then I can safely advise you/me to go a little easier on the fresh cracked pepper, and back off a little bit on the feta. The 1/2 cup the recipe called for was probably a little bit closer to what I/we should have done/will do/could/will/can/won't do, in the future. (The future.)
Still, the imperfections aren't bad, the frittata is fucking DELICIOUS, and my whole house smells like awesome food.
Photos:
Friday, July 19, 2013
Guest Photography Model!!! With Stephen Wood.
Sometimes, people get to enjoy friendship. This is one of those times.
So let's take some time for some sometimes!
Here is a beautiful series of photographs, featuring my fwiend Stephen Wood, as he drinks a box of pumpkin pie filling.
He knows what's up. Boxed foods. Boxed foods are up.
So let's take some time for some sometimes!
Here is a beautiful series of photographs, featuring my fwiend Stephen Wood, as he drinks a box of pumpkin pie filling.
He knows what's up. Boxed foods. Boxed foods are up.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Pack a Lunch For Work: Peanut Butter
Yeah, I did.
This is shelf-stable peanut butter, which is kind-of like actual peanut butter.
But it's full of semi-sweet chocolate chips and "white chocolate" chips. I am eating it with a spoon, and I have been nibbling at it all day long. That's breakfast, lunch, something, something, and maybe dinner, depending on whether or not I think I've already eaten dinner.
I packed other foods, but I'll save them for tomorrow, because my blood sugar level feels freakishly stable today and my hunger is pretty minimal. Like, what? ...Unh, what? ...Unh, what? I... Um... Okay, I think I was just poltergeisted by the Beastie Boys, but I don't remember... That song... It was probably "Long Burn the Fire?" I'm not going to actually check before posting this, though.
So, there you go.
This is shelf-stable peanut butter, which is kind-of like actual peanut butter.
But it's full of semi-sweet chocolate chips and "white chocolate" chips. I am eating it with a spoon, and I have been nibbling at it all day long. That's breakfast, lunch, something, something, and maybe dinner, depending on whether or not I think I've already eaten dinner.
I packed other foods, but I'll save them for tomorrow, because my blood sugar level feels freakishly stable today and my hunger is pretty minimal. Like, what? ...Unh, what? ...Unh, what? I... Um... Okay, I think I was just poltergeisted by the Beastie Boys, but I don't remember... That song... It was probably "Long Burn the Fire?" I'm not going to actually check before posting this, though.
So, there you go.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Lemon Bars Replenish the Electrolytes Lost While Making Lemon Bars
Let's take a moment to really let this title sink in. To bask in the goodness and truthiness* of its claim:
Lemon Bars Replenish the Electrolytes Lost While Making Lemon Bars
Now, I know what you're thinking. "What the Hell is an electrolyte, and what does it have to do with me?!?" Well, here jackass, get some NIH science in you.
Can I guarantee that these lemon bars have electrolytes in them? Uh, yeah, probably, I think. I mean, I figure it's got baking soda, which is supposed to count. It's got, like, lemon juice. And it has two of the essential sugars--granulated AND powdered. It even has eggs, and those probably do something cool. Right? I mean, they're eggs. Nature's... Nature's Powerbar or nature's ovum or something. Dinosaurs and weasels eat them. Eggs are fucking good for you.
I made lemon bars today because it's summer and it's hot out and as an exercise buff I needed the electrolytes because I walked about a whopping 2 1/2 miles at a nice, leisurely pace today. I know, right?!? All the way to AND FROM the bus stop.
The recipe I used is a good one, too. It's the "Gabrielle's Lemon Squares" recipe from Mark Bittman's How To Cook Everything, which I'm very glad to have in my kitchen.
In fact, I'm such a fan of pressuring people into buying books that I'm not going to provide the recipe in this post. Go to a bookstore and buy yourself the book. There's an app, but don't buy that until you've bought at least two copies of the actual book, in hard copy. Buy a few extra books while you're at it. I'm pretty sure that books are full of electrolytes. I mean, all that ink has to do SOMETHING if you chew it into a bolus and hold it under your tongue like a sublingual medication. Not that I endorse eating books. Unless you buy a second or third copy to read, in which case just knock yourself out, you fuckin' freak. Really. Just buy from a little local book shop if you can. One of the good ones. Vote with those fucking dollars.
Right.
Here's a picture of the lemon bars that I made about an hour ago. A friend once complimented me on how bold it is to take unflattering photos of food for this blog, and I've opted to believe that this really WAS a compliment. So please, enjoy the totally authentic shadow of my phone, as I took this phone photo of the dish of lemon bars. Aww yeah.
*The word "truthiness" was used here in homage to Stephen Colbert.
Lemon Bars Replenish the Electrolytes Lost While Making Lemon Bars
Now, I know what you're thinking. "What the Hell is an electrolyte, and what does it have to do with me?!?" Well, here jackass, get some NIH science in you.
Can I guarantee that these lemon bars have electrolytes in them? Uh, yeah, probably, I think. I mean, I figure it's got baking soda, which is supposed to count. It's got, like, lemon juice. And it has two of the essential sugars--granulated AND powdered. It even has eggs, and those probably do something cool. Right? I mean, they're eggs. Nature's... Nature's Powerbar or nature's ovum or something. Dinosaurs and weasels eat them. Eggs are fucking good for you.
I made lemon bars today because it's summer and it's hot out and as an exercise buff I needed the electrolytes because I walked about a whopping 2 1/2 miles at a nice, leisurely pace today. I know, right?!? All the way to AND FROM the bus stop.
The recipe I used is a good one, too. It's the "Gabrielle's Lemon Squares" recipe from Mark Bittman's How To Cook Everything, which I'm very glad to have in my kitchen.
In fact, I'm such a fan of pressuring people into buying books that I'm not going to provide the recipe in this post. Go to a bookstore and buy yourself the book. There's an app, but don't buy that until you've bought at least two copies of the actual book, in hard copy. Buy a few extra books while you're at it. I'm pretty sure that books are full of electrolytes. I mean, all that ink has to do SOMETHING if you chew it into a bolus and hold it under your tongue like a sublingual medication. Not that I endorse eating books. Unless you buy a second or third copy to read, in which case just knock yourself out, you fuckin' freak. Really. Just buy from a little local book shop if you can. One of the good ones. Vote with those fucking dollars.
Right.
Here's a picture of the lemon bars that I made about an hour ago. A friend once complimented me on how bold it is to take unflattering photos of food for this blog, and I've opted to believe that this really WAS a compliment. So please, enjoy the totally authentic shadow of my phone, as I took this phone photo of the dish of lemon bars. Aww yeah.
*The word "truthiness" was used here in homage to Stephen Colbert.
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